Killer Condoms! (Not Safe For Men!)

Watching some ridiculous German B (C?) movie, Kondom des Grauens, mostly because the description was too hilarious not to:

"A professor blackmails a student of his into having sex with him. But when the professor puts on a condom, the carnivorous condom bites off his penis and disappears."

Oh, and it takes place in NYC. So far, this movie makes no sense, and is so bad, it's funny. The protagonist? A man by the name of Macaroni (Detective, Macaroni), who arrives riding on an elevator in a cloud of cigarette smoke standing directly beneath a no smoking sign. What a badass.

Relevant quote: "Even good girls from Oklahoma end up biting off some guy's dick."

*update 7:50ish pm*

Yeah...I only got 10 minutes in.. I'm watching a BBC miniseries instead.

Avatar

Avatar is, aside from the incredible visuals and technology, nothing new plot-wise. It is essentially 'Ferngully' meets 'Dances with Wolves' meets 'Nausicaa,' 'Pocahontas,' and 'Gorillas in the Mist.' Beautiful, yes, and awesome, especially in IMAX 3D, all those glowing lights in your face and the depth of the distance below the trees and floating mountains, glorious. But entirely predictable, absolutely. I knew what would happen hours before it happened, not that I wasn't pleased to see I was right, or that I wasn't happy with what happened, but no surprises. This movie loves foreshadowing, like whoah.


And this isn't to say I didn't love it, obviously, I've seen it more than once already, and could see it again. But that's because I like where it takes me, and the aesthetic pleasure and feelings I derive from watching it. Also, I love nature kicking ass. My favorite LotR was the second for the longest time because the Ents kick so much ass (nature, yay!).


From Huffington Post: 'Avatar' = 'Pocahontas' in Space




Anyway. It's a damn good movie, and the anti-war (Giovanni Ribisi and the Colonel were deliciously diabolical) pro-nature (I want to 'plug-in' to nature and ride a giant bird!) themes are very much appreciated, but aside from the technology it ain't nothing new. But what movies nowadays don't pay homage to some plot of the past? Whether it's Jane Austen, Homer, Shakespeare, or apparently Disney, it's how it's used that matters. The bit of originality I will give it is the idea of the avatar itself, and being a big blue being that looks like a combination of a deer, an elf, and a monkey. I couldn't help but think of "little green men" when looking at the humans, that we are them, smaller than the indigenous peoples, with our scary futuristic technology, using their bodies to communicate, and just so darn cute and small.

Torchwood

Savor it slowly, or gobble it all up? It is so delectable. I finished the third episode, waiting for the fifth to become available before I watch the fourth. The 456 (have not seen them, don't know if one does or not, shh!) seem to be an elephantesque crab, and reminiscent of Independence Day aliens (scene in Area 51 using Dr. Data to speak etc.).

In any case, I am enjoying the new episodes tremendously.


Badass. A pregnant Gwen whoops some butt, Ianto comes out of his shell, and Harkness bares (nearly) all.

Rainy Distractedness

The pianos distracted me. The pianos! Playing concertos! Yes, I expected jazz, but was no less entertained. The jazz came after. 

Then the rain! Torrents and torrents, and my umbrella could do no good to shield it. Ducked inside for a drink (one beer please, "you're beautiful," no margarita - thanks for the offer, and now I've somewhere else to be). 

The rain came again, I said enough is enough, and so off to Angelika. It was packed. I got cake. The familiar white font on black back danced across the screen, Groucho Marx singing "Hello I Must Be Going" playing in our ears. I don't care what the reviews bloody well say, I thoroughly enjoyed myself watching the new Woody Allen. Yes, okay, I'm a sucker for Henry Cavill, but truthfully that had absolutely nothing to do with said enjoyment (well...but as eye candy only). I found his character highly fictitious. Gorgeous, romantic, British men don't live in New York wooing girls off their feet with their genuine honesty, persistence, and truthful talk of love at first sight. That's for fairytales, folks, and Jane Austen (and apparently Woody Allen). All in all the movie was laugh out loud funny, dripping with sarcasm, an eau de Allen, and sweet & heartwarming no matter Boris' tirade at the beginning about it not being a feel good movie. I left feeling good, and there you have it.  

Religulous Giggles

"It's like the lotto, you can't get saved if you don't play!"

-Maher

Maher asks (re: historical "evidence" of Jesus in the bible from "eye witnesses" decades later):

"Would that stand up in a laboratory as absolute fool-proof evidence that something happened?"

"You are setting up a standard for proof that I think it would really be an almost impossible standard to meet."

-Dr. Francis Collins

Head of Human Genome Research Project

"They're not happy."

"They're called gay!"

(Guess which one was Maher).

"Hollywood loves something it's never seen before: a virgin."

-Maher

Too cute.

Alice in Wonderland

Tim Burton's making Alice in Wonderland. Oh my goodness gracious YES. Aside from the now, usual cast of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, we're adding in Anne Hathaway, Lindsey Duncan, Stephen Fry, Christopher Lee, and of course, a personal favorite, Alan Rickman. 

Oh how long till 2010!

Le dernier trappeur

J'avais totalement oublié ce film. Je l'avais vu à Kyoto et maintenant on ne peut pas le trouver.

Becoming Jane

Jane Austen makes me tear up. I just can't seem to help it.



I should have been born in a different time.

The Duchess

I could just about die. I most readily admit that I am still a sucker for Ralph Fiennes.

Brooklyn II

Dionne Warwick is the shit. The shiznit. The bee's knees.

I can hardly contain my excitement, anxiety, and anticipation for Wednesday. I feel warm again.

quick list to do:
yakitori totto
bad horror movie
drinks with missie (tonight)

Saw "Shutter" with Alex. Had tremendous fun, despite the incredible predictability, horrible acting, and contrived screenplay. I'm just a sucker for horror movies you can laugh at.

Plans to meet Missie in the slope for dinner, v. excited and happy to see her. Will discuss house. Linda comes wednesday. Crossing my fingers. Thursday we're meeting with the Blacks (or the Bodkins, or whatever name my blood may have). I am incredibly nervous and excited about meeting my family. I hope to gain more insight into my heritage, considering my little to no knowledge in the area.