Sunday, July 13, 2008

Oregon Drivers

People in Oregon do not know how to drive. Well they know how to drive, but not to drive well. My little list:

(1)If you're driving in the left lane, have the decency to drive at least the speed limit.

(2)You should drive the speed limit anyway, even if you're not in the left, and if it is obvious that you are holding up a line of cars, have the decency to pull over and let the cars pass you (for example, driving 35 mph down 43, with ten cars behind you, when the speed limit is 45 mph, is a cruel cruel thing to do. Esp. in the area where there's one lane).

(3)If for some reason you are incapable of driving the speed limit (having a panic attack, mental breakdown, on the cell phone, etc.) stop driving. Seriously. You shouldn't be behind the wheel.

(4)Cut it out with that idiotic 16 mph rule downtown. Who cares if you can drive 16 mph and make all the traffic lights without having to stop for red, because you are driving so slow, the car two or three behind you will not make that light that would have been made otherwise.

(5)Get off your bloody cell phone. Hang it up. NOW. Ok, so I know sometimes there are emergencies, and news needs to be told to the driver before anything else, but seriously. Every bloody time I take over a bad driver, or a slow driver, they are more than not on their cell phone. Hang it up, and concentrate on what's in front of you, beside you, and BEHIND you.

(6)Learn to accelerate. It is not difficult. When a light turns green, you GO, you don't sit for a minute, thinking about whether to go or not, or slowly push your foot down, you just GO, so that the people behind you and the people whose light just turned green behind those people can safely keep moving without causing congestion. I'm nearly across the intersection at a green light by the time the other cars behind me start to move.

(7)Watch how you're driving, and pull over if you need to take your hands off the steering wheel. That's right, I'm calling you out you little blonde adolescent bitch with the boys in her car, that tailgated me up McVey and then proceeded to fix her hair with both hands (off the steering wheel) and still uncomfortably close (going over the speed limit at this point). Who does she think she is? A fucking idiot, that's who, and I told her so.

(8)Just because Oregon drivers are slow and stupid, and never turn or move when they should, does not mean that pedestrians should not look both ways before crossing. We can turn right on red here, and in the absence of cars and people crossing (owing to the light being red) I turned right on red, and no sooner had I done so some idiot woman almost walks right into my car. I had space, that's why I went. She didn't even look to see if I was moving. Idiot woman. Lucky for her I know how to brake (unlike someone else I know, who thinks the brake is the accelerator, but that's another story altogether).

(9)Use your bloody signal lights. Is it so hard, if you're going to cut people off or slow down to 5 mph to make a turn, to use your signal? Really? It's just that hard? It's too much work to flick your hand on the switch to signal other drivers? I am so sorry, I did not know it was so HARD to use your turning signal. Next time I cut you off, I won't either.

Yes I will. Because I'm a GOOD driver. Unlike you, Oregonians. I use my turning signal, I drive at least the speed limit, I look both ways, I don't hold up traffic, and I rarely speak on the cell phone while behind the wheel. And how many times have I gotten a ticket? Never. How many times have I been pulled over? Not once. How many accidents have I had? One. And that's because some punk-ass kid didn't use his turning signal.

No comments: