Wednesday, December 31, 2008


I will be happy when this year ends. It has been, I believe, the most difficult and trying year of my life so far. Heartbreak, friendships souring, moving, and numerous deaths. Another death happened while I was home, and though not related to me I can't help but feel for those that lost.

There was some good, however, namely receiving my diploma. Definite good, that. And Mickey. Mickey's awesome. And of course Obama's victory. Aside from those three things 2008 sucked.

Hopefully next year will be better, less pain and hurt, fewer people lost.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

When we were young

Remember when we were 16 & 17 and used to wear lipstick and Too Faced eye shadows, short skirts and bright colored tights or fishnets, and dye our hair blonde or black? Remember when we went to clubs, and diners, and sat around in the square and smoked, and that would be the thing? I remember when. I remember having good times. I remember some bad times. But I remember the experience of it all, and the way I used to be. Sometimes, I think, it would be nice to feel that way again.

And I do, but I don't. It is now fewer and further in between than it was once.

Remember your old beat up car? Remember that time we ditched school with Eliot and Gabbi to eat at Todai and go shopping? When Eliot was still fresh from London? When we were all still friends? When time and distance hadn't dragged us all apart? Remember when you dyed your hair black and it turned your shoulders blue? And you always wore bright red lipstick, and I curled my hair and wore 50s dresses.

We might not have much to talk about now, now that we've grown apart, but I remember, and I know that I wouldn't be who I am today with the interests that I have if I had never met you.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

what a week

And now I'm coming down with a cold. Poop!

So far just the nose is being a bitch. Just as long as the throat doesn't go bad this is manageable.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Snowier World

Flight canceled again. 

Tomorrow so they say, I will be flying out. So they say. Weather predicts no snow in Portland for tomorrow. So they say.

*update 4:19 PM*

Flying out Thursday now. Get in at 11 pm. Lovely. We'll be pretending Friday is Christmas this year.

Snow World

Originally I was supposed to fly out on Sunday at 7:15 JFK to PDX, but there was no more room for pets and so obviously I had to change that flight. And so I changed it to Saturday, same flight number and everything, and got all packed and ready to go. At around noon the Delta site said the flight was canceled. So I had to reschedule again to today. Money goes down the drain.

Overnight in Portland it snowed half a foot. That's 1 1/2 feet of snow. Which means I might have to walk a mile to get home in the snow after midnight, with the backpack, the suitcase, and the cat. So I am bringing nothing but the essentials (i.e. presents).

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The New Black

out of sight

Moonless nights don't miss the light.

Similar to candy, bacon, or cigarettes - you crave it even though you know it's bad for you.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


Watching Victory and Joe get together makes me realize I want some romance in my life. But I can't.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Keeping my hands occupied pt. 3

1. k, p, k, p, k3, p2, k2tog, k, yo, k, yo, k, skpo, p2, k3, p, k, p, k
2. k, p, k, p4, k2, p7, k2, p4, k, p, k (repeat for all evens)
3. k, p, k, p, k3, p2, k2tog, yo, k3, yo, skpo, p2, k3, p, k, p, k
5. k, p, k, p, k3, p2, k, yo, skpo, k, k2tog, yo, k, p2, k3, p, k, p, k
7. k, p, k, p, 3, p2, k3, yo, sk2po, yo, k2, p2, k3, p, k, p, k

and repeat.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Keeping my hands occupied pt. 2

1. k2tog; yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, sl1 k2tog
2. p (and repeat for all evens)
3. k; k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k3, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, k
5. k2tog; yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k5, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, sk2tog
7. k; k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k7, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, k
9. k2tog; yo, k2tog, yo k, yo, k2, s2kpo, k2, yo, k, yo, skpo, yo, sk2tog
11. k; k2tog, yo, k3, yo, k, s2kpo, k, yo, k3, yo, skpo, k
13. k2tog; yo, k5, yo, s2kpo, yo, k5, yo, sk2tog
15. k; k, yo, k, s2kpo, k, yo, k3, yo, k, s2kpo, k, yo, k2
17. k yo, skpo, yo, s2kpo, yo, k5, yo, s2kpo, yo, k2tog, yo, k
19. k; k, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, k, s2kpo, , yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2
21. k; o, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, kpo, yo, s2kpo, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k
23. k; k, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, k, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2
25. k; yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, sk2po, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k
27. k; k, yo skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, k, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2
29. k; k2, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, sk2po, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k3
31. k; k3, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k4
33. k2tog; k2, yo, k, yo, skpo, yo, sk2po, yo, k2tog, yo, k, yo, k2, s2kpo
35. k2tog; k, yo, k3, yo, skpo, k, k2tog, yo, k3, yo, k, s2kpo
37. k2tog; yo, k5, yo, sk2po, yo, k5, yo, s2kpo
39. k; k, yo, k, s2kpo, k, yo, k3, yo, k, s2kpo, k, yo, k2
41. k; k2, yo, s2kpo, yo, k2tog, yo, k, yo, skpo, yo, s2kpo ,yo, k3
43. k2tog; k, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k3, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, k, s2kpo
45. k2tog; yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, s2kpo
47. k; k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k2tog, yo, k3, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, yo, skpo, k


Thursday, November 6, 2008


I'm seriously crying tears of joy here. America is a country I can finally be proud to be in, a country that, once again, is the land of the free and the home of the brave. We have proven indeed how "elastic" we can be, how quickly we can adapt, and ready we are to change. This can only be beneficial, not only here but abroad as well, both in how we are perceived internationally as well as the relationships we have with those countries we might just be able to call friends again. Goodness, I'd be proud to say I'm American the next time I travel. This world might actually get better.

Overwhelming hope of a global turning point

"From the streets of Arab capitals to the chancelleries of Europe, from the African interior to the favelas of South America, the world overwhelmingly delighted in Barack Obama's victory, seeing in it a moment that promises a turning point and the chance of reconciliation.

Some compared it to Nelson Mandela's ascent in South Africa or the fall of the Berlin wall. Others spoke of a watershed for America, and even for the world. Kenya declared a national holiday in honour of its most famous son, and the town of Obama in Japan went berserk. Mandela himself said Obama's victory demonstrated that no one in the world should be reluctant to dare "to dream of wanting to change the world for a better place".

"We are sure you will ultimately achieve your dream of making the United States of America a full partner in a community of nations committed to peace and prosperity for all," he said in a congratulatory letter to the victor.

European leaders outdid each other with superlatives. For France's Nicolas Sarkozy, it was a "brilliant victory", a moment in which "the American people have chosen change, openness and optimism". The European commission president, José Manuel Barroso, spoke of a "turning point" for America, and added: "It may also be a turning point for the world." Germany's chancellor, Angela Merkel, wished the new president "luck, success and God's blessing", while a spokesman for the Pope expressed hope that Obama "can fulfil the expectations and hopes that many have in him".

Africans were even more jubilant, seeing in Obama's victory the conquest over a prejudice that still scars a continent. Nigeria's president, Umaru Yar'Adua, said the moment "has finally broken the greatest barrier of prejudice in human history". Kofi Annan, the former UN secretary general, saw in the election result "America's extraordinary capacity to renew itself and adapt to a changing world".

India's prime minister, Manmohan Singh, said Obama's journey would inspire "not only in your country but also around the world"."

Black people respond to Barack Obama's US presidential election success

"Joe Benjamin, who was wrapped in a colourful cloak and carrying his shopping in a bag at the end of a staff, said he would wait to see how Obama panned out.

He said: "I come from another era - I think in terms of summers and I'm heading into my 72nd. I'm still part of the struggle. I remember when Nelson Mandela came out of prison. I think Obama may not do much, we'll see. He brings change but he won't do anything rash. It's good for history though."

He added: "I'm from Bermuda, I came here in 66. We still haven't had an Asian or black prime minister. Europeans are different and in the UK it's make believe. America is more liberal.


Across the Caribbean, Luis Aquino, a security guard in the Venezuelan capital, Caracas, described the victory as "especially valuable" for Latin America.

"It is historic and a blow against racism," he said. "People don't talk about it much, but there is racism in many parts of Latin America, especially Brazil ... To see a black man in the White House is something to cheer."

In Paris, however, optimism was tempered by the widespread belief that it couldn't happen in France. "Don't get me wrong, I hope he'll do good things, go into fewer wars, that kind of thing," said Amir Baroui, a 28-year-old shopkeeper of Tunisian origin. "But it's not the same here. In France - well, you saw it with Ségolène [Royal, the defeated presidential candidate] last year: we don't want women and we don't want blacks or Arabs or anyone who isn't white."

But for some, the sight of a black man in the White House remained an unshakeable inspiration. Omar Aidera, 15, hadn't heard the news but smiled when told Obama had won. "One day," he said, pausing to extract his iPod earphones, "one day it will all have changed.""

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Obama! Obama! Obama!

We have a new President of the United States of America. For the first time I am proud to be an American. I will be happier than ever to ring in this New Year. I will even celebrate Independence Day from now on, as we are now, finally, free.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


is how I feel right now. kerfunkeled.

BAD egg.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Max Fitzig

Max passed away yesterday morning. We only found out because my mother called Melva to ask how he was.

It was sleep apnea. Exactly what my mother had been saying he has for at least 3 years now. His daughters refused treatment. They are the most evil people I have ever met in my entire life. I think they've taken the cake from my mother's sister, at least the root of her evil is psychological.

Max was the closest thing I had to a grandfather. I never met my real grandfather, Henry, and Papa Jack died when I was nearly 3. I only remember him from the photographs I see of him. Opa passed away when I was 10. I rarely saw him, owing to our being in the states in his being in Holland. Max came into the picture when I was 5. I knew him for 18 years, which, considering my short lifetime so far, is a long time. And he would have married my grandmother, he would have, but my grandmother wouldn't allow it because she recognized the evil in his daughters, that they would think of her as a money-grubbing concubine rather then the last love of his life. They loved each other so much. He loved her. He romanced her. He took her around the world and held her hand. He was one of the kindest, gentlest, most loving and mediating men I have ever had the good fortune to meet. I think it skips a generation. His daughters are none of those. Oh Max, sweet Max, I hope you are loving my grandmother, and dancing with her still.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Toby Wolf

Mama Toby passed away shortly before 11:26 PM on Saturday, September 27th. She loved. She is loved. And she will live on, in my chin and my hands, in my curious appetite, and in the knitting and crocheting that I have learned from her.

Her funeral is today at 3 PM. (I cannot help but find it ironic that it should happen on this date of all dates.)

It was expected. For the last month I have been preparing. I am grieving, and yet I feel release at her being at peace, and no longer in pain and suffering. She had a long, full life, lived for 93 years, filled with love and humor.

I will always love my Mama Toby, and she will never be gone, not while I'm still around.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


The old plans won't work anymore. The President can't force Americans through fear tactics to throw us deeper into the financial shitbucket. McCain can't win by the offensive. It's all so contrived, haven't we seen this all already? Hasn't this played out all before? Republicans scheming, manipulating, insulting and coercing etc etc to get what they want? The campaign of fear can't work anymore. If Americans haven't learned their lesson by now, I don't what to say in defense of this country's people. Prove me right America, show me know you can see through the bullshit, prove me right.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hell. Also known as Florida.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Mother mother fuck fuck. Mother fuck mother fuck mother mother fuck fuck.

There's just so much going wrong here. So much. Too much.

In a nutshell:
My aunt's killing my grandmother. Max thinks she's already dead. My mother's in the hospital.

Déjà vu

Wow. Isn't this story just all too familiar.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Duchess

I could just about die. I most readily admit that I am still a sucker for Ralph Fiennes.

McPalin II

Bushists: putting ignorance in the White House.

Seriously though. Do they want to bring down the country? That's what would happen if they were elected. The country would fall apart economically, intellectually, artistically, funding for any programs geared towards social wellbeing and health care would vanish, and our international relations would go in the toilet. I seriously cannot, and will not, allow myself to remain in a country that would certainly collapse in on itself if these people run the country any longer.

Sunday, September 14, 2008


Yes, Alaska IS a "microcosmo" of the rest of the U.S. At least she admits she hasn't thought in the last two weeks. Humbling my foot!

that stupid sports arena. blech. she manipulated the voters to vote for it and then put the town in debt. sick, sick, sick. She's just using soundbites. "Freddie, and Frannie." She's after social security, too. Bitch. Excess my foot! She's the excessive one.

I didn't know that being an outsider of Washington politics simply applied due to her distance. I mean, come on, she IS Washington politics.

Earmarks, taxes, everything out of that woman's mouth is two faced.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Off Topic

Torchwood is Doctor Who with swearing and sex. And a hotter protagonist.

An alien coming to earth to feed on orgasmic energy? Not in Doctor Who, but yes to Torchwood.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

sexist racism

It is such a cheap, obvious, devious move to have a female VP for the GOP. A completely blatant tact to win over the Hillary supporters (all "18 million" of them), those that are voting for McCain because they are so bitter about Florida and Michigan (it was their own states' fault, suck it up). Hillary herself has endorsed Obama, and I hope those "supporters" of hers listened. It is so transparent that the GOP is trying to win over the "women's vote" and "Hillary supporters" by having a young female run with him (who, incidentally, does NOT believe in women's rights). If people can't see through this Rovian move, I'll be flabbergasted.

In choosing a Vice President, one should consider their ability to take over should something happen to the President. Could anyone, honestly, see this woman confronting International affairs, let alone taking care of the state of an entire country? Talk about lack of experience. It's so repulsive, that they choose the least experienced candidate for Vice President, a female one at that, so that they can in the future attack back should we ever attack on these two points. Sick sick sick.

It is belittling and demeaning to women everywhere, and I would be very ashamed of my gender if they were to fall for this obvious ploy.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mickey (aka Jericho)

Oh my goodness, the little bugger purred for me. For me, not my father, not Jim, not any man, me. He still runs, but when I catch him and pet him he stops, and rolls, and purrs oh so sweetly. Then runs away again. But - progress!

Went straight down to see him after getting home from excessive traveling (attempted flight home yesterday, botched, back to Mama Toby's and Wright by the Sea, back to the airport today, 3 1/2 hour layover, etc. etc. etc.). He definitely made the family room his playroom. Books were strewn about, the paper towel on top of the counter was on the floor and torn, the catnip pillow was ripped open, the lower-right corner of my Roebling Tea Room postcard was nibbled upon, and even a sponge became his play toy. What a little monkey! Right now he's pawing his reflection in his water bowl. Too cute. He's still too scared though, he needs to not run away when I approach. But he bloody purred for me! AND he has a happy tail. That is, his tail is up in the air, and not curved down like it was the first few days.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fuck the FAA and their stupid computer

This is redunkulous. Complete horse manure. "Malfunction," "computer glitch," blah blah blah, all bloody flights across the bloody country are at a standstill. Sitting on the plane for hours, without any information to go on, and finally they let us off only to find out no, it wasn't terrorism, but a computer crash. And still they're going to charge us to watch a movie. I need a cigarette. I am sick of Florida, and death, and misery, and over-humidity, and people that work slow as molasses, and hot damn is this ridiculous. Who the hell do they have working these computers, anyway? Incompetent fools that must use Dells. Those Pieces of Crap.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Life and Death

I feel sick to my stomach. Feel like I'm shaking. I am truly dreading going to Florida, for what very well might be the last time.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Million Ughs

Jericho only let's me hold him when he's napping. Any other time and he just jumps from my hand. Why must it always be unrequited? Why?
It hasn't even been one full week. I should give it more time. But it's heartbreaking. I know it'll take a while, I just hope it won't be forever. I don't want to regret my decision.

I have to pack up my life. I have to write a final essay. I have to take one final exam. I have to socialize Jericho. Jericho needs to get his health records and a snip snip so he can travel and not be so crazy and have smelly pee. I have to either come back to Oregon or fly to Florida. I have to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to admit that she might not be here much longer. If there was ever one person that ever I wanted to be there for the milestones it would be her. I have her hands.

I'm not going to think about it. And so I'll focus on Jericho instead for now.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Jericho II

I took home Jericho tonight. He is not docile like his sister, that is for certain. He is so jumpy! And incredibly anxious. But I can't blame the guy, new house, smells of cat still I'm sure, and he was in two car rides and two different cages. He finally started playing with me, but he still won't let me touch him. I finally just heard him drinking some water, I was starting to get worried he'd dehydrate. I hope this won't be unrequited, and that he'll eventually let me at least pet him.

Yes! He's using the litter. Or at least it sounds it. The sounds of gravel being pushed around in plastic.

Anywho, I hope he opens up eventually, and lets me pet his belly.

I don't know what that boy is chasin', but he seems to be having a damn good time running between my room and the family room.

*update 8/14, evening*

That little boy is just the cutest. He sits. He actually sits. That is, he sits like a person would if they were a cat, on his back, with his legs splayed out in front. Adorable doesn't do it justice.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


I am in love. I met him only yesterday, but it was love at first sight.

Not the greatest pic, seeing as how he's in plastic bubble and all...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I get high from the sky

Kitten highs and sky highs. That's what it's all about. And other highs, and butterflies.

I start to rhyme when I have a good time.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Do you know the way to Santa Fe?

The sky! The sky! Oh my word, the sky! The clouds parted for a brief spell today, brief spells, rather, and in the evening the sky was just absolutely breath-taking. Stars and stars, as far as the eye could see, and full constellations, not this bit of that and smidge of this, but full ones. All of Ophiuchus, all of Scorpius and Sagittarius, Cassiopeia, Cygnus, Eagle, Ursa Major, Pegasus, Andromeda, and so on, and on and on. Lightning in the distance, lightning to the left and to the right, and now the rains are back on top of us again and the sky is hidden once more beneath a thick atmospheric blanket.

The sky is the cherry of this trip. It is wonderful to see Josine and Cees again, and I look forward to seeing John as well. I really love Josine and Cees, I just wish I spoke Dutch. But that's my guilt-complex talking, and that I feel guilty that they have to speak English around me. Of course learning Dutch is something I greatly want to do, and have wanted to do, and will want to do until it is done, but for now I shall converse with my Dutch family in English.

ps. Santa Fe's as cute as a button.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Top 10 Sexy (Not Ugly)

2. sexy ugly
[Someone who is not conventionally good-looking (or any kind of good-looking in some cases), but possesses an appealing personality, style, or talent, and is thus considered sexually attractive by many.

First coined by the movie, "Kissing Jessica Stein."
Adrian Brody, Ewan McGregor, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Mick Jagger are all sexy ugly. Mick Jagger is the example from the movie.]

My personal favorites on this subject:
1. Christopher Eccleston

2. William Fichtner

3. Gabriel Byrne

4. Ralph Fiennes

5. Jeremy Irons

6. Hugh Laurie

7. Alan Rickman

8. Geoffrey Rush

9. Jim Carrey

10. James Woods

I find them all to be beautiful. They're no Pierce Brosnan, but are they even sexy ugly? In my opinion just the former.

*NB: some, but not all, can be found in a lengthy list here. I would never put Jeff Goldblum on this list, for example. He's too fine.

other names on my list: Jason Isaacs, Billy Bob, Steve Buscemi, the fine Jeff Goldblum, and on and on

Monday, July 21, 2008

oh, my mother!

She means well, she truly, truly does, but tonight was just plain silly. Embarrassing, hysterical, inappropriate, but well-intentioned, my mother sequestered the waiter, charmed him away, then said, "I have a daughter" and attempted to get his name and number. Oh, mother! Don't you know you can't do that anymore? It was actually crazy coincidental, seeing as how he had done study abroad with a kid from Oberlin, but then once she did that we were both mortified and he got back to the kitchen as quick as he could. Oh, mother!

It's all very funny, really. A comical skit, starring my (sometimes) oh-so-stereotypical Jewish mother.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Time heals wounds

I'm not weak. It is strength that is required to forgive.


Anger Versus Forgiveness
O beautiful one, one should forgive under every injury. It has been said that the continuation of species is due to man being forgiving. He, indeed, is a wise and excellent person who has conquered his wrath and shows forgiveness even when insulted, oppressed, and angered by a strong person. The man of power who controls his wrath, has (for his enjoyment) numerous everlasting regions; while he that is angry, is called foolish, and meets with destruction both in this and the other world. The illustrious and forgiving Kashyapa has, in this respect, sung the following verses in honour of men that are forgiving.

"Forgiveness is virtue; forgiveness is sacrifice, forgiveness is the Vedas, forgiveness is the Sruti. He that knows this is capable of forgiving everything. Forgiveness is Brahma; forgiveness is truth; forgiveness is stored ascetic merit; forgiveness protects the ascetic merit of the future; forgiveness is asceticism; forgiveness is holiness; and by forgiveness is it that the universe is held together. Persons that are forgiving attain to the regions obtainable by those that have performed meritorious sacrifices, or those that are well conversant with the Vedas, or those that have high ascetic merit. Those that perform Vedic sacrifices as also those that perform the meritorious rites of religion obtain other regions. Men of forgiveness, however, obtain those much adored regions that are in the world of Brahma. Forgiveness is the might of the mighty; forgiveness is sacrifice; forgiveness is quiet of mind. Can one like us abandon forgiveness, which is such, and in which are established Brahma, and truth, and wisdom and the worlds? The man of wisdom should ever forgive, for when he is capable of forgiving everything, he attains to Brahma. The world belongs to those that are forgiving; the other world is also theirs.

The forgiving acquire honours here, and a state of blessedness hereafter. Those men that ever conquer their wrath by forgiveness, obtain the higher regions. Therefore has it been said that forgiveness is the highest virtue."

Forgiveness is a Great Power
Vidura said: There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong. Forgiveness subdues (all) in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve? What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless ground is extinguished of itself. And unforgiving individual defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Skywatching II

I went out last night again, but instead of darting amongst the sprinklers in the parks, hoping that assholish L.O. cops wouldn't yell at me for being there past closing time, I drove the opposite way and just parked the car off of Bergis. What better area than the patch of farmland we've got in town? I'm sure I looked like a crazy stalker, with my foot long telephoto lens and tripod, crouching in the grass on my hands and knees on the side of the road. Well, unfortunately the telephoto didn't work out, too heavy for my crappy tripod, but I fiddled around with my little digital and I think I might have gotten the quality a smidge better and steadier.

Jupiter in Sagittarius:

If you enlarge the second one, you'll see two little dots on the sides of Jupiter, which I believe to be two of Jupiter's moons, Io and Europa:

Scorpius, Ophiuchus, and Libra at 15-second exposure:

" at 60-second exposure:

Monday, July 14, 2008


Recently a bright star has been seen in the southeastern part of the sky, but in my opinion too bright to be a star. After checking my star chart or whatever it is, and attempting to draw the constellation so I might figure out what I was looking at, and failing by these simple means, I decided to grab my camera and a tripod, and head down to the park. I took photos of Ursa Major, Draconus, Cassiopeia, Cygnus, and of course, the bright dot in the sky that had to be a planet. The tripod sucked. It's small, and wobbly, and only one photo of those that I shot of the planet worked out. But the last one did, and once I did some research it became pretty clear that it was Jupiter in Sagittarius.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Oregon Drivers

People in Oregon do not know how to drive. Well they know how to drive, but not to drive well. My little list:

(1)If you're driving in the left lane, have the decency to drive at least the speed limit.

(2)You should drive the speed limit anyway, even if you're not in the left, and if it is obvious that you are holding up a line of cars, have the decency to pull over and let the cars pass you (for example, driving 35 mph down 43, with ten cars behind you, when the speed limit is 45 mph, is a cruel cruel thing to do. Esp. in the area where there's one lane).

(3)If for some reason you are incapable of driving the speed limit (having a panic attack, mental breakdown, on the cell phone, etc.) stop driving. Seriously. You shouldn't be behind the wheel.

(4)Cut it out with that idiotic 16 mph rule downtown. Who cares if you can drive 16 mph and make all the traffic lights without having to stop for red, because you are driving so slow, the car two or three behind you will not make that light that would have been made otherwise.

(5)Get off your bloody cell phone. Hang it up. NOW. Ok, so I know sometimes there are emergencies, and news needs to be told to the driver before anything else, but seriously. Every bloody time I take over a bad driver, or a slow driver, they are more than not on their cell phone. Hang it up, and concentrate on what's in front of you, beside you, and BEHIND you.

(6)Learn to accelerate. It is not difficult. When a light turns green, you GO, you don't sit for a minute, thinking about whether to go or not, or slowly push your foot down, you just GO, so that the people behind you and the people whose light just turned green behind those people can safely keep moving without causing congestion. I'm nearly across the intersection at a green light by the time the other cars behind me start to move.

(7)Watch how you're driving, and pull over if you need to take your hands off the steering wheel. That's right, I'm calling you out you little blonde adolescent bitch with the boys in her car, that tailgated me up McVey and then proceeded to fix her hair with both hands (off the steering wheel) and still uncomfortably close (going over the speed limit at this point). Who does she think she is? A fucking idiot, that's who, and I told her so.

(8)Just because Oregon drivers are slow and stupid, and never turn or move when they should, does not mean that pedestrians should not look both ways before crossing. We can turn right on red here, and in the absence of cars and people crossing (owing to the light being red) I turned right on red, and no sooner had I done so some idiot woman almost walks right into my car. I had space, that's why I went. She didn't even look to see if I was moving. Idiot woman. Lucky for her I know how to brake (unlike someone else I know, who thinks the brake is the accelerator, but that's another story altogether).

(9)Use your bloody signal lights. Is it so hard, if you're going to cut people off or slow down to 5 mph to make a turn, to use your signal? Really? It's just that hard? It's too much work to flick your hand on the switch to signal other drivers? I am so sorry, I did not know it was so HARD to use your turning signal. Next time I cut you off, I won't either.

Yes I will. Because I'm a GOOD driver. Unlike you, Oregonians. I use my turning signal, I drive at least the speed limit, I look both ways, I don't hold up traffic, and I rarely speak on the cell phone while behind the wheel. And how many times have I gotten a ticket? Never. How many times have I been pulled over? Not once. How many accidents have I had? One. And that's because some punk-ass kid didn't use his turning signal.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Blue Skies

The sky here is a permanent shade of blue. I absolutely love it.

This upcoming week is birthday week. Four of my friends have birthdays, two on the same day even. I just bought one of them a present, which if he doesn't want I'll totally keep for myself and force him to eat something from it anyway. Je le manque.

So I caved and finally went shopping at American Apparel. Their clothes fit me like a glove, and I can't help but love 'em. I have done more shopping in the last two weeks than I have in the last two years.
Some items I still would still like to purchase:

but in this color:

but in gray:

but I can't find it in the stores here...

Really though, leotards are the only way to go with those soft jersey skirts that show every wrinkle and every crinkle that lies beneath them.

I mean, look at that ass. She can't be wearing a thing under that.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Monday, July 7, 2008


Jesse is awesome. I always root for the underdog. I guess there's hope for soulmates and true love afterall. Go pink shoe laces!

50s Chevrolet ads

would be incomplete without Dinah Shore.

A Pear Tree Grows in Brooklyn

I cannot wait to move back to Brooklyn. Cannot wait to get the hell outta here and kick the dust of Portland behind me, to leave behind all the pain and heartache. I want to start my life afresh. Relatively speaking. I mean, how fresh can it be moving into my childhood home? But totally different this time, so it is fresh. I can't fucking wait. These last several months have been forlorn and arduous, and I am ready to be out of limbo and enter the world that is adulthood. I have so much in New York to look forward to. So much. Family, friends, work, art, food, sights and sounds, the list only goes on and on.

It is not so very long until September.

Friday, July 4, 2008


Best thing to be recently imported into the States? Häagen-Dazs' own Green Tea ice cream. Every day that I was in Tokyo - and I do mean every day, sometimes even twice a day - I'd buy myself a quaint little cup at the コンビニ (konbini) on my way home from class.

While scoping out the ice cream section recently, seeing as how it is summer and all, I noticed something green. And lo and behold, stood my old tasty friend in pint-size form.

Häagen-Dazs, you have made my taste buds very happy. Now cut the limited edition bullshit and make that flavor permanent.

Life is Awesome.

There's shit going on, but I ain't lettin' it get to me. I'm taking life by the balls.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Turkey Vultures II

There were six or so, I swear there must be a nest of them above and behind my house, either that or nests of other birds they like to frequent. One of them flew right over me this time.

La Lune

I slept outside Friday night (as noted below), and was surprised at 1 AM to look up from my reading material and see a rising moon, huge and bright orangish yellow.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Sleeping outside

Holy shit the moon is beautiful right now.

*update 6/29*

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Day Five

I just want to run around outside and play - swim, hike, roll around in the grass, you name it.

I feel so positive. Optimistic. Hopeful. It's incredible.

I watched "I Survived a Japanese Game Show." It makes me miss Tokyo like cuhrazy. Dammit. I just like to take in everything around me, and I especially enjoy myself when it's as an aesthetically pleasing place as Japan. But, more to the point, I like to absorb what surrounds me. My favorite thing to do in the pool is to just lie on my back and stare at the sky, floating slowly. I want to go stargazing. I want to go bird watching. I just wish I didn't have to do this all by myself. Yes, I'm independent, but it would be much more enjoyable to share it with someone else.

Anyway. My mind is all over the place. Evidently. Back to Japan.

I miss the temples. I miss the smells. I miss the people. I miss the FOOD. I miss the sites, the shrines, the subway, the language, the SMELLS. Fuck. The smells. The food. My top two, definitely.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Nothing like Florida to make you feel young and pretty.

in florida.
this heat and humidity reminds me of summer 2002. maybe it's the smell of tuna in the air mixing with aforementioned heat and humidity. In any case, it brings me back to Brooklyn, when Daisy and I would eat at the corner diner across from Pratt, she with her tuna sandwich and me with my tomato cheese, and both with coffee respectively. Maybe I'm hungry. I am hungry. This place has scary food in it. I'm going to see if I can't manage to eat out while I'm here. No leftovers for me, please.

Monday, June 2, 2008

It is 3 in the am

And I am watching this:

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!

I knew that voice sounded familiar. Anywho. Eatin' chocolates in ma bed and watching stupid stuff on youtube.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Turkey Vultures

For years big birds have been flying over my house and over the park below. I had heard from students at the high school which I went to back then that eagles nested in Freepons Park (a likely story...). Excited at the idea of eagles in my own backyard, myself being a city girl and all, I always scoured the skies for a sign of these majestic birds. Oftentimes I would see a bird much larger than a crow or a goose, soaring thousands of feet in the sky. About twelve days ago I finally identified them as turkey vultures, which are quite common in Oregon, and about ten days ago I caught them on film.

It was pretty spectacular though, as three turkey vultures attempted to either land in a tree or invade a crow's nest, and resulted in a flying fight of turkey vultures versus crow. I am still not certain which was attacking which, but I wouldn't put it past the crow to be the attacker.

And a video.

Monday, May 26, 2008


Today I told my parents I smoke. They took it a lot better than I ever imagined.

That's one weight lifted.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Mythology of Agedness

We are but a fragment in this earth's history. Everything is much older than we think it is. Man has been living on this earth for hundreds of thousands of years, building up civilizations, only to have them wiped from existence and buried beneath the layers of the earth. How do we know what's beneath the layers of this planet, anyway? How are we so certain that the earth does not have the power to destroy the existence of a civilization entirely? Why are we giving ourselves such a small time frame?

Points of reference:
The Great Sphinx

It's easy to get caught up in this crap. Like getting lost in Wikipedia, but pure bullshit.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Fighter Girl

I cannot get you out of my head, Mason Jennings.

The concert was great, and I'm glad I arrived late as he didn't go up until 10:45 and otherwise I'd have been trapped in the Roseland Theater for two hours (no re-entry policy = poopers). He opened with 'California II' followed by 'Nothing,' much to my joy and sorrow. Joy because I love his music ('Butterfly' and 'Be Here Now' were played as well as a couple songs off the upcoming album, including 'Fighter Girl' and 'Your New Man' - the latter was absolutely hilarious), and sorrow because his lyrics and his music (and obviously 'Nothing') remind me of...absolutely no one in particular...

But it was great, even though it was disgustingly hot and I couldn't even take in a bottle of water. I can't wait for the new album.

The weather has been splendiferous all weekend, and for the last two nights I've slept outside under the stars. No tent, just the sleeping bag. And my star chart. I didn't sleep at all the first night, couldn't sleep, and the sun rose so early (at 5:30) that the sun made it impossible, so I went to sleep in a bed at around 7 or so. Last night I did actually fall asleep under the stars, and it was wonderful - if I could I would move my bedroom outside. But, owing to the sunny sunny spot I slept in I awoke with a sunburn on just the left side of my face (nose and cheek) and neck. Who woulda thought to go to sleep with sunblock!

Air Siren

Last night was absolutely delicious after the horrendous 96 degrees of daytime, the sky was clear, and so I decided to sleep under the stars. I couldn't sleep, however, too distracted by the beautiful stars and trying to figure out the constellations. I'm not sure what time it was, probably around 3 in the morning, when I saw an aircraft incredibly low and in a part of the air in which I've never seen a plane's flight path before. It was extremely slow, and had more lights than an airplane ought to have. I saw rather than heard it, in fact I don't remember hearing it, but I can always hear before I see the aircraft, generally solely the former, but this time it was the latter first. It traveled quite slowly down what could have been Cornell road, flew towards the hills, and turned right. Airport's to the right, that makes sense. But then the air siren went off, it distinctly went off, and then I saw two definite planes go in the direction of the hills. What bothered me most was how low this aircraft was flying, so low it vanished behind the no more than 1000 ft hill. I ran inside to grab binoculars at this point, but when I came back I had lost sight of it, as it had vanished into the Portland area.

It was just very slow, and I don't recall noise, though there very well might have been, but more importantly the air siren went off and shortly thereafter aircraft followed its flightpath.

Hmmm. It was probably just a plane and I have been watching WAY too much UFO Files.

Thursday, May 15, 2008


What I'm reading: The Kuiper Belt.
What I'm watching: Soviet UFO Secrets Revealed.

Not related to what I'm watching right now, but Roswell obviously was Project Mogul, I mean c'mon, missing weather balloon? Same flight path? As for Tunguska, that is attributed to the Beta Taurid meteor shower and a larger fragment from Comet Encke. As for the Dropa Stones...ugh. Bi discs? Hello? Obviously a hoax? Are you a gullible idiot? But you can't blame people for trying, what with the absence of a religion of mystery is it any wonder we turn to extraterrestrials as the new "deity"? It is rather lonely to imagine that we're the only planet with life.

Anywho, moreso interested in the reading...have had the video paused for last hour while getting lost in the depths of wikipedia researching trans-Neptunian Objects, Planet X, ancient mythology, and the Anunnaki.

My thirst is unquenchable.

Monday, May 12, 2008


I am in love again. This time it is Jean-Louis Forain. His lines! His colours! His brushstrokes! Oh my! Such aesthetic deliciousness is captured in his figures.

And only better yet - he is little known! It is only someone to discover, to learn more about, and I love it.

Friday, May 9, 2008


Today is the first time in a long time that I actually feel awake.

The sun is shining, I no longer feel disgustingly lonely having the house to myself, and Mary-Liz is coming into town!

I find myself falling in love with history, just can't get enough of it. I've been reading up on the Tudors, the six wives et. all, and have been watching David Starkey's Monarchy, which is quite fascinating. Oh to be in Aengla parents are there now, hopefully seeing hollowed monasteries, castle-less hilltops, and once blood-stained pastures.

I foresee Anne Boleyn coming to an end shortly on The Tudors. It's been a way coming, if in the second episode she already gave birth to Elizabeth, we need only wait for her miscarriage to trumpet her approaching beheading. I like the looks of Jane Seymour in the preview. Flaxen and fair. But it is this man that for me steals the show:

Mmm. Good god man, you are delicious. And, I must say, you bear a remarkable resemblance to a certain someone.

Now, to enjoy the sunshine.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Monday, May 5, 2008

Scents of Smell

[omg omg omg omg].

It smells like summer. The sun is out strong and bright for the second day in a row, the sky is blue, the leaves are all out, and it's nearly 70 degrees. Fanbloodytastic. I love this weather. It immediately forces a smile on my face.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Patrick Stewart narrates realistic fantasy

double: animal food chain, keeping it in order according to territory (i.e. dominant male challenged); feudalism and serfdom, vassals, etc.

ps. we stole the dragon's fire


Sunday, March 30, 2008


I recognize that picture. The one in the jigsaw puzzle.

You still have the photos - you didn't delete them all.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Taste & Aesthetic

"Less is More."

Gordon Ramsey so instructs many a chef.

I believe this carries over to art as well. Hints of figures or objects, peeping out of the canvas or paper, alluding to the blankness from which it formed. I personally find this to be aesthetically pleasing.

Also in relationships. The less you get, the more you want. Just a taste. To wet your appetite. Just a little nibble. To make you hungry.

You can't have one without the other. As Missie and I discussed over dinner Tuesday night, the inevitable coexistence of love and heartbreak. There has to be a balance, the good and the bad, it is an absolute impossibility to have only one.


My glass is full.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Brooklyn II

Dionne Warwick is the shit. The shiznit. The bee's knees.

I can hardly contain my excitement, anxiety, and anticipation for Wednesday. I feel warm again.

quick list to do:
yakitori totto
bad horror movie
drinks with missie (tonight)

Saw "Shutter" with Alex. Had tremendous fun, despite the incredible predictability, horrible acting, and contrived screenplay. I'm just a sucker for horror movies you can laugh at.

Plans to meet Missie in the slope for dinner, v. excited and happy to see her. Will discuss house. Linda comes wednesday. Crossing my fingers. Thursday we're meeting with the Blacks (or the Bodkins, or whatever name my blood may have). I am incredibly nervous and excited about meeting my family. I hope to gain more insight into my heritage, considering my little to no knowledge in the area.

Monday, March 24, 2008


I am in Brooklyn, and I did not get that jolt as I have before. Granted I came from Jersey this time, and was exhausted, and rightly peeved about the taxi fare, and the apple tree was gone, and baby it's cold outside. The weekend has been relatively low-key, but this week is about to get busy. Adam, Andreas, Alex, Missie, Steve, Wesley, Linda, the Henry Blacks, Charlie, Lucy, and so on; so many people to see!

quick list to do:
yakitori totto
bad horror movie
drinks with missie

Saturday, February 23, 2008

der Frühling

I can smell it in the air. The scent of life and rebirth. It brings me back, makes me want to run outside and play softball, climb trees, roll down hills, oh if you only knew how much I wish I could do this with you.

I saw smoke coming from Mt Hood today - forest fire? There would have been news if it had been something else.

die Brüste

Sometimes, I think it would be nice to have bigger breasts so I could bust out some cleavage, too.

Then again, I have the benefit of neither needing to wear a bra nor worry about future sag. But hot damn, lactation.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Being sick has led to watching America's Next Top Model on YouTube. Which has led to my missing Tokyo.

These girls are just...uch. I like Ya Ya though, she kicks ass. In any case, Ya Ya is the only one that bloody appreciates where they are and the native customs. The other girls' just act so entitled to meet the people they meet, learn what they learn, and live where they live in Tokyo. The show is such a joke. Which is, of course, why I watch it.

I wish I had an excuse to go to Japan again. I think I'll settle by going to Uwajimaya, buying some Japanese food, checking out Kinokuniya, and then coming home to don my yukata and devour deliciousness.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Celebrity Gossip

Doesn't all this hype with Britney Spears (and Amy Winehouse) just bespeak of the troubles and shit we are all going through?

Is it any wonder that Britney Spears' career has gone up and down with the way America is seen in the world's eyes? Is her mental breakdown not the microcosm of America's breakdown?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Trust in the Strength of our Union

My foot.

Obama on the State of the Union:


That's the last time I don't listen to my instinct. Oi vey.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Sun Shines Our Your Ass

I can't help but love, it is who I am. I feel empty when I don't. And when I love, yes, for me the sun does shine out of your ass.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Chronicle This

Okay, so I'm ending a chapter in my life. I am no longer in poisonous relationships with duplicitous, harmful, egotistical, self-indulgent, and dramatic people. Whew.

I fell in love with the soundtrack of Juno.

Friday, January 18, 2008


Why is there still a war among women? Why must we be forced to choose between family and career? Why is there this stigma still? Why do "stay at homes" frown on "career women"? Why do "career women" think the "stay at homes" are out to get them? Why can't we, as a single sex, understand that the feminist movement gave us the right to choose, to make this choice, and not to prescribe one avenue for females to take?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Psychological Kevlar Act

"But is it moral to weaken memories of horrendous acts a person has committed?"


The Psychological Kevlar Act "directs the secretary of defense to develop and implement a plan to incorporate preventive and early-intervention measures, practices or procedures that reduce the likelihood that personnel in combat will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other stress-related psychopathologies, including substance use conditions. (Kevlar, a DuPont fiber, is an essential component of U.S. military helmets and bullet-proof vests advertised to be "five times stronger than steel.") The stated purpose of this legislation is to make American soldiers less vulnerable to the combat stressors that so often result in psychic injuries.


What they have come up with has already been dubbed "the mourning after pill." Propranalol, if taken immediately following a traumatic event, can subdue a victim's stress response and so soften his or her perception of the memory. That does not mean the memory has been erased, but proponents claim that the drug can render it emotionally toothless.

If your daughter were raped, the argument goes, wouldn't you want to spare her a traumatic memory that might well ruin her life? As the mother of a 23-year old daughter, I can certainly understand the appeal of that argument. And a drug that could prevent the terrible effects of traumatic injuries in soldiers? If I were the parent of a soldier suffering from such a life-altering injury, I can imagine being similarly persuaded.

Not surprisingly, the Army is already on board. Propranolol is a well-tolerated medication that has been used for years for other purposes.

And it is inexpensive.

But is it moral to weaken memories of horrendous acts a person has committed? Some would say that there is no difference between offering injured soldiers penicillin to prevent an infection and giving a drug that prevents them from suffering from a posttraumatic stress injury for the rest of their lives. Others, like Leon Kass, former chairman of the President's Council on Bioethics, object to propranolol's use on the grounds that it medicates away one's conscience. "It's the morning-after pill for just about anything that produces regret, remorse, pain or guilt," he says. Barry Romo, a national coordinator for Vietnam Veterans Against the War, is even more blunt. "That's the devil pill," he says. "That's the monster pill, the anti-morality pill. That's the pill that can make men and women do anything and think they can get away with it. Even if it doesn't work, what's scary is that a young soldier could believe it will."

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I wish I had night vision.

I can hear an owl outside my window.

Monday, January 7, 2008


Watching these debates feels like window shopping for a relationship that I'll be in for the next four years. What do I want out of this union? What am I looking for in a significant other? Which are the bad apples to steer clear from? Which are the future heartbreakers, those that come to the relationship touting more than they could possibly accomplish?

If you ask me, he's the only one not flawed.

"You're reading their propaganda." Oi! Poor Ron, having to defend himself right and left, but good for him.

This debate just had me go back to being undecided. Actually, if I were to choose a candidate based on the debate alone, I would go with Richardson. While certainly Hillary employed questionable tactics in attacking Obama, I appreciate the image that she is projecting to the American public - a sharp-tongued high-powered woman that is not afraid to fight her necessary battles.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I am a Gobbler of Books

I returned from Florida last night, and I must say I would be quite happy not to fly again for at least a year. BUT this will not be the case, as I shall be flying to Florida in two months time on a one-way ticket, and will be returning by Toyota Corolla, c. 2001, courtesy of Mama Toby. It's big, and tan, and my granny glasses match it perfectly. That's right, I'm gettin' a car.

I was in Florida for four days and finished two books while I was there. It would have been three, but my Autobiography of a Geisha was in the mail as I left it in Seattle. Sedaris' "Dress your Family in Corduroy" was quite amusing, laugh out loud in some parts. I liked his nonlinear story telling. The other one was H.G. Wells' "The War of the Worlds," which definitely burned its imagery in my brain so that on the drive home form the airport I kept envisioning a burning red sky. Really vivid imagery, that one. Beautifully told, "ahead of its time," etc. The movie failed I feel to drive home the whole factor of solitude felt by the narrator during the course of his tale, as well as the main point of our connection to "lesser" animals (i.e. rabbits).

And now to turn my attention back to the geisha.

Friday, January 4, 2008

That's Hilary with one "L"

I'm getting back into politics. That is, staying abreast of the goings on in this tumultuous world of ours. Yes, yes, I may get too into it again, I may start to get angry at people for not having heard of the same things I have, may preoccupy my time with C-Span and newspapers, but ignorance isn't bliss. This also will help fill that void that is now so empty.

Michael Moore I believe sums it up quite well:

"If you're a candidate for President, and you voted for the war, you lose. And if you voted and voted and voted for the war -- and never once showed any remorse -- you really lose.

In short, if you had something to do with keeping us in this war for four-plus years, you are not allowed to be the next president of the United States."

I didn't think I knew who I wanted to vote for, thought I would wait around until later in the year to decide, but I am certain now as to who I want to become the next President. And it ain't my namesake.