Back West

Everyone's gettin' hitched.

All these kids from high school keep getting different last names on facebook, posting wedding photos, announcing engagements, sending wedding e-vites, and makin' babies.

It's specifically the Oregon bunch, too. Sure, a couple here and there from Oberlin (not that I can think of any specific couple at the moment*), but every time I log onto facebook, someone else from high school is tying the knot or poppin' out a little person.

I should be used to this, considering one of my good friends got married when we were still 18 and popped out a baby boy at 20, and goodness knows I have this innate biological urge to do the same, but it still shocks me to see people my age wearing a big white dress and giving vows. Shocked because the years are passing so fast, and it is nearly starting to be that time.

Honestly though, I think I'm more shocked at the boys my age getting hitched then I am the girls. Little girls daydream of big white flowery weddings, of walking down the aisle with their fathers, of big frou-frou dresses and lipstick (for me, it's all about the merry widow, don't need more than a courthouse to wear one either). But not these boys, all I've encountered (with one or two exceptions) are commitment-phobes that have a deadline in their head to the relationship. I declare shenanigans!

The boys in Oregon seem less flighty. Maybe it's because Oregon brings out the parenting instinct. I don't know how it does it, but it does. It's one of those places you want to raise babies in. All that nature, clean air, good schools, little houses, no sales tax, happy little homes with happy little lawns, happy little fences, and happy little trees. Not that I'm ready to raise babies, nor that I want to wait as long as my parents did, I'm just sayin' Oregon = settling down. Or maybe it's just the severe lack of it in New York City that makes Oregon stand out in such contrast. Not that there aren't an incredible amount of young couples with baby bjorns in my neighborhood that look just a couple years older than I. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. The only point I wanted to make is that all these kids from my high school in Oregon (and NOT New York) are settling down with college sweethearts and the like, and it surprises me but also warms my heart.




*UPDATE: M&E. duh.

Excessive Rain

Now, I know that I've been missing Oregon something fierce, but that did not mean that I wanted its weather to follow me to Brooklyn (why couldn't it have been the volcanos?). A little drizzle every now and then sure, gets me nostalgic, but this is just unending ridiculousness here! Maybe patches of sun every now and then, but for the last two weeks it's been nothing but thunderstorms here, torrents of rain there, and at least three of those thunderstorms happened in a row at 3 in the bloody morning. Not that I mind. I love thunderstorms. And I love rain. I just love the sunshine, too. 

summertime

I'm still debating what to do with my summer. Half of it is full, and half of it is empty (this ain't no glass, I'm not being pessimistic). Not that the second half is even empty, just when compared to my busy busy schedule for June and July it's vacant. My first class of the summer term starts today, I never like the first days, mostly because I hate those silly introductions we have to do: 

Hi, I'm Hilary, I'm a freelance web designer here to finish a certificate in digital/graphic design. I went to college in Ohio. I grew up in Brooklyn and Oregon, and am what could be called bi-coastal. You might not always recognize me because I don't always wear glasses and I dye my hair when it suits my fancy.

Classes end sometime mid-July, and then what? I was thinking Oregon for the rest of the summer, but not if people I've been wanting to see will no longer be there and people I'd like to see would be here. Oregon might just have to wait. Maybe, maybe, maybe I won't yearn for it soon.

never said this before

Not to be redundant or anything, but I'm still craving those Oregon skies. Looking at the small sliver of sky I can see through my window in Brooklyn shortens my breath and tightens my chest. I close my eyes and imagine I'm looking out over our balcony in Oregon and I just relax and loosen up as the image dances across my eyelids. I need an expanse of sky. I know! The beach. Perfect. Nothing beats the smell of salt and sand and the sight of unending distance.

Claustrophobia

I never realized how obstructed the sky is in Brooklyn until now. It's perfectly sunny outside, the sky is a clear blue, but now that all the trees have blossomed and popped out with greenery there's hardly any sunshine coming in the windows. Obviously leafy trees are not a problem, and maybe it was always this dark, but I did not notice until now after having spent the last few days in wide open spaces with unobstructed skies. I feel almost claustrophobic here now, and I LOVE cramped spaces, but now I yearn for wide open fields and miles of sky, which you just can't get here. Yearn! Pine! But shall not mope. This just means I need to spend more time in the middle of a field in Prospect Park is all. 

Oregonian

I did not have enough time in Oregon this trip. Before I left I knew I didn't want to leave, and now that I'm back I miss it. So clean, so friendly, so calm, green, easy-going, littered with parks, dotted with mountains, unending starry skies, oh! Maybe the weather there was too perfect. Maybe it's because I didn't even get more than 15 mins in Powells. Maybe Klio tickled my heart. Maybe, maybe, maybes. All I know is, New York feels just so damned cramped. No space, no privacy, no possibility to get lost in the wilderness (those man-made parks do not count, there's no woods), no easy-going, anything-goes, happy-go-lucky attitude. I always did say I have a love-hate relationship with New York. I just need to fall in love with it again, because right now I'm cheating on it with Oregon.

Outside

It's a funny thing, it's gorgeous outside - might get a little on the warm side, but bright and sunny, and everything's in bloom. Now what's funny is that I can't think of anything to do outside in New York city that doesn't involve spending money. Except just chilling in a park. But the gardens, the zoos, flea markets, and then the streets get excessively crowded...I miss Portland! Portland when it's nice it is marvelous, there's nothing you can't do, and you don't have to pay a dime. New York needs more parks. Needs more green, more trails, more free things to do. If New York City had mountains with hiking trails it would be absolutely perfect. But it doesn't, and I have no car, and so I am stuck with the man made parks with few hidden trails. It's glorious outside and I do not know what to do! I'll probably end up at the Botanic Garden, just cause it's close, and I need to be outdoors today. If I could, I'd go to the nursery and garden all bloody day, but a) I don't have a car and b) there's construction going on in the back of the house that sort of impedes any gardening.

***update***

Spent the day outside in Prospect Park with friends and guitars. Drinks in the evening. French fries, please! (How about some cheese!) 6 am bonding. 

Scents

I have an odd memory for things, and a desire to relive the senses triggered in times past. I associate smells, sounds, tastes, and other sensations with places, books I was reading, and what I was watching.

Reading about Geisha makes me think of warmth and sun, and the smell of the Morikami, the smell of the paper, sitting in the living room of my grandmother's apartment flipping a fan open and closed. At that time I still played the Sims, would sneak in bits of "Open for Business" when they would doze.

Early on a sunny morning, with warm weather, I am constantly brought back to Darla's house on N Main. Peanut butter open face, South Park, coloring books, cigarettes and spliffs. Desperate Housewives was also watched, as well as the OC. Fashions from the renaissance were colored in, and grass was green and little was worn. The smell, sickly sweet smell, of stale cigarettes, joints, peanut butter, and coffee. Good times.

Lately, with the changing of the seasons, I have felt and smelt these things again.

Harry Potter was always, always accompanied by Sitar music - generally Anoushka Shankar, with same Ravi in there as well. Incense, canopy bed, candles.

I smelled bonito stock the other day. It immediately brought me back to Junior year, after my return from Japan. My incessant udon making accompanied by Japanese television was a classic combination. I crave udon....it really should not be hard to find that stock here, or the right udon...all these organic places have shit for udon - thin noodles are soba, not udon, thank you very much.

Sometimes late at night I'll feel like I'm pulling an all nighter again, going out at wee hours of the morning to empty streets for a cigarette, but it's not the same sensation here as it was. Here is full of strangers. While there they were strangers too, they were not - because we all went to the same school and knew the same people. Students would still walk around at 3 in the morning and congregate in North Quad for smokes, but here I go outside and it's no one familiar or nothing at all.

Rainy days make me think of Oregon. Walking the streets of Portland, sans parapluie, big coffee in hand. The streets are slick, but everyone's outside anyway because it's Oregon and we're used to rain there. I think of Anna Bananas, and ducking inside to finally get out of the drizzle.

Cloudy days remind me of Amsterdam in April. You know the sun is out there somewhere, but it's hidden behind this thin blanket of cloud. Walking the narrow streets dotted with cafes with outdoor tables, heinekens and joints to be had, a child amongst giants.

When we were young

Remember when we were 16 & 17 and used to wear lipstick and Too Faced eye shadows, short skirts and bright colored tights or fishnets, and dye our hair blonde or black? Remember when we went to clubs, and diners, and sat around in the square and smoked, and that would be the thing? I remember when. I remember having good times. I remember some bad times. But I remember the experience of it all, and the way I used to be. Sometimes, I think, it would be nice to feel that way again.

And I do, but I don't. It is now fewer and further in between than it was once.

Remember your old beat up car? Remember that time we ditched school with Eliot and Gabbi to eat at Todai and go shopping? When Eliot was still fresh from London? When we were all still friends? When time and distance hadn't dragged us all apart? Remember when you dyed your hair black and it turned your shoulders blue? And you always wore bright red lipstick, and I curled my hair and wore 50s dresses.

We might not have much to talk about now, now that we've grown apart, but I remember, and I know that I wouldn't be who I am today with the interests that I have if I had never met you.

Snowier World

Flight canceled again. 

Tomorrow so they say, I will be flying out. So they say. Weather predicts no snow in Portland for tomorrow. So they say.

*update 4:19 PM*

Flying out Thursday now. Get in at 11 pm. Lovely. We'll be pretending Friday is Christmas this year.

Snow World

Originally I was supposed to fly out on Sunday at 7:15 JFK to PDX, but there was no more room for pets and so obviously I had to change that flight. And so I changed it to Saturday, same flight number and everything, and got all packed and ready to go. At around noon the Delta site said the flight was canceled. So I had to reschedule again to today. Money goes down the drain.

Overnight in Portland it snowed half a foot. That's 1 1/2 feet of snow. Which means I might have to walk a mile to get home in the snow after midnight, with the backpack, the suitcase, and the cat. So I am bringing nothing but the essentials (i.e. presents).

Oregon Drivers

People in Oregon do not know how to drive. Well they know how to drive, but not to drive well. My little list:

(1)If you're driving in the left lane, have the decency to drive at least the speed limit.

(2)You should drive the speed limit anyway, even if you're not in the left, and if it is obvious that you are holding up a line of cars, have the decency to pull over and let the cars pass you (for example, driving 35 mph down 43, with ten cars behind you, when the speed limit is 45 mph, is a cruel cruel thing to do. Esp. in the area where there's one lane).

(3)If for some reason you are incapable of driving the speed limit (having a panic attack, mental breakdown, on the cell phone, etc.) stop driving. Seriously. You shouldn't be behind the wheel.

(4)Cut it out with that idiotic 16 mph rule downtown. Who cares if you can drive 16 mph and make all the traffic lights without having to stop for red, because you are driving so slow, the car two or three behind you will not make that light that would have been made otherwise.

(5)Get off your bloody cell phone. Hang it up. NOW. Ok, so I know sometimes there are emergencies, and news needs to be told to the driver before anything else, but seriously. Every bloody time I take over a bad driver, or a slow driver, they are more than not on their cell phone. Hang it up, and concentrate on what's in front of you, beside you, and BEHIND you.

(6)Learn to accelerate. It is not difficult. When a light turns green, you GO, you don't sit for a minute, thinking about whether to go or not, or slowly push your foot down, you just GO, so that the people behind you and the people whose light just turned green behind those people can safely keep moving without causing congestion. I'm nearly across the intersection at a green light by the time the other cars behind me start to move.

(7)Watch how you're driving, and pull over if you need to take your hands off the steering wheel. That's right, I'm calling you out you little blonde adolescent bitch with the boys in her car, that tailgated me up McVey and then proceeded to fix her hair with both hands (off the steering wheel) and still uncomfortably close (going over the speed limit at this point). Who does she think she is? A fucking idiot, that's who, and I told her so.

(8)Just because Oregon drivers are slow and stupid, and never turn or move when they should, does not mean that pedestrians should not look both ways before crossing. We can turn right on red here, and in the absence of cars and people crossing (owing to the light being red) I turned right on red, and no sooner had I done so some idiot woman almost walks right into my car. I had space, that's why I went. She didn't even look to see if I was moving. Idiot woman. Lucky for her I know how to brake (unlike someone else I know, who thinks the brake is the accelerator, but that's another story altogether).

(9)Use your bloody signal lights. Is it so hard, if you're going to cut people off or slow down to 5 mph to make a turn, to use your signal? Really? It's just that hard? It's too much work to flick your hand on the switch to signal other drivers? I am so sorry, I did not know it was so HARD to use your turning signal. Next time I cut you off, I won't either.

Yes I will. Because I'm a GOOD driver. Unlike you, Oregonians. I use my turning signal, I drive at least the speed limit, I look both ways, I don't hold up traffic, and I rarely speak on the cell phone while behind the wheel. And how many times have I gotten a ticket? Never. How many times have I been pulled over? Not once. How many accidents have I had? One. And that's because some punk-ass kid didn't use his turning signal.

Scents of Smell

[omg omg omg omg].

It smells like summer. The sun is out strong and bright for the second day in a row, the sky is blue, the leaves are all out, and it's nearly 70 degrees. Fanbloodytastic. I love this weather. It immediately forces a smile on my face.

der Frühling

I can smell it in the air. The scent of life and rebirth. It brings me back, makes me want to run outside and play softball, climb trees, roll down hills, oh if you only knew how much I wish I could do this with you.


I saw smoke coming from Mt Hood today - forest fire? There would have been news if it had been something else.

Luscher Farm

The farmland is slowly disappearing. Back in my high school years, enormous houses popped up one after the other across the street from the blackberry bushes and the horse farm, shielding the old farm house (the only aesthetically pleasing architecture) from view. While away at college, and upon my subsequent visits home, I was distraught to discover the flowing fields of wheat and grass that would be frequented by geese in the autumn on their migration was turning into yet another lot for these McMansions. Slicing up the field, they built fences and roads and constructed homes twice the size of the earlier excessively large homes built beyond the fields. Now, the developers have decided to move south with their destruction of nature, and have dug up the fields and grass that once stood at the end of Overlook as it intersects with Stafford. There is now a gigantic sports field (oh yes, because the 5 or so we have within 5 mins drive from there are not enough) complete with enormous, glaringly bright stadium lights. What happened to the community gardens? the dog park? to nature? Why on earth are we replacing real grass with that impostor that bedecks a football field?

'They mooed half the night. Then, no mooing'

[Article in this morning's Oregonian]



So apparently it wasn't insanely foggy and rainy just here, but all over the northwest, leading to the deaths of hundreds of cows. Organic cows (not that that makes a difference, but the article I read this morning explicitly stated they were such). It's times like these I'm glad my house is on a hill and on stilts, hundreds of feet above the ocean. But a lot of houses aren't...and the coast is flooding, and apparently "tempests" are now supposed to be the norm in the pacific northwest. Storms were one major thing I missed about the east coast, the rumbling of thunder and flashes of lightning I would try to catch glimpses of from my bedroom window on the top floor through what little bit of sky I could make out. Not to mention the monsoon-like rain experienced in northern Michigan.

In any case, as sexy as storms are, Oregon needs to prepare itself for weather change. We don't want to lose our coast after all, though if necessary one could always follow the Dutch example and build a dike.